When you think of trying something new…
do you stop yourself because it might not turn out right?
What if instead it became a curiosity? A game? A game of seeking…
“My only goal with this new thing is to see if it gives me the feeling I want.” Jonathan Fields
I think I’ve figured out a secret to life…
And it’s about FEELINGS.
Want something in the future? How will you feel when you have it? Can you create that feeling in your body, mind, and Soul NOW? And now and now? And hold that feeling until you have the thing? (While, of course, taking the actions to move yourself closer to the thing.)
Having a crappy day? How do you WANT feel? Can you create that feeling in your body, mind, and Soul NOW? And now and now? And hold that feeling until you, well, feel that way for real?
Trying something new (low stakes or high stakes)? How do you WANT to feel as the new thing emerges? While it emerges? Can you create that feeling in your body, mind, and Soul NOW? And now and now? And hold that feeling until you have the thing? (While, of course, taking the actions to move yourself closer to the thing.) And once you get to trying the new thing…does it feel how you want? No – then stop doing the thing! Permission granted.
Your nervous system is in charge A LOT. And it doesn’t always know the difference between “reality” and “fantasy” …
It doesn’t know the difference between being chased by a tiger vs. having a stressful day.
It’s all in. ON. Triggered.
And the secret I think I’ve figured out is:
- NOTICE that I have a nervous system
- Talk to it. Help it KNOW and DISCERN between “actual life-threatening” from “general life stress.”
- Give it something ELSE to focus on (i.e. HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL)
- Talk to the parts inside me that are feeling upset, scared, threatened.
- Show myself a new way: CHOOSE MY PREFERED FEELING (because I don’t actually ever want to feel stressed, upset, angry, scared).
- Practice (Right. Nowhere did I say this was EASY…especially at first).
- Practice some more.
- Watch the changes unfold.
- Realize I’m genuinely there, feeling that feeling I chose!
A LOT of my work with clients is about this practice of noticing, soothing, and choosing. Yes, even with the clients who are C-suite executives, directors, and managers. Even with the ones who have fancy titles at big-deal companies. And, interestingly, especially with the ones who are multi-millionaires.
(Money doesn’t automatically equal inner peace, gentle people.)
Choosing inner peace equals inner peace.